Thursday, December 31, 2009

I am having a hard time tonight.
I keep thinking about what we were going through 2 years ago (see my post Hope for details). I'm trying to cheer myself up by remembering how good God is and how he blessed me with a wonderful husband to share my life with, and how He blessed us with our daughter. We do have a great deal to be thankful for.
But I keep thinking about our babies, and I miss them. Terribly. I remember the joy we felt with each pregnancy seeing our babies on the ultrasound monitor. I remember finally letting myself get my hopes up.... then my heart just breaks all over again. How can you love someone so much if you never knew them??


This is a picture of the ring my husband gave me just minutes after finding out we were expecting. After I miscarried, I couldn't wear it for a while. It was a reminder of what I had lost. But now I wear it because I remember them and I love them.
(Sorry for the unpleasant post on a night most people are celebrating, but it's what's on my heart. Perhaps I should strive to post only happy thoughts in 2010)
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10 comments:

Countrygirl said...

Happy New Year. I was just blog hopping and found yours. Please, don't apologize for loving your babies - and missing them! God blessed us with 3, our middle boy was killed in a car wreck 7 years ago - and I still cry for him every day. We miss him! We always will - until that wonderful day when we get to Heaven and we'll be together again. His friends designed a cross with a cowboy hat sitting on top, my dad had it made into a necklace and we wear ours all the time. One day......one sweet......you will see your babies! And we will see our Josh and our Savior! You are in my prayers. Countrygirl

Timothy said...

I was deeply touched to see you wearing that ring on Christmas day. If you manage to have nothing but happy thoughts in 2010, then go ahead and post nothing else. But seriously, what's the point of calling your blog "Still Waters" if nothing ever happens to potentially upset those waters?

Candy said...

We all experience both pain and joy. When you share both, it is helpful to others; they know you are just like them and they feel a connection with you. Keep sharing!

LeAnna said...

{hugs} You know what I think is amazing? The fact that we can face all of life's trials and persevere because we have Christ. Doesn't mean it wont hurt, but it means we can press on and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will see them again someday. I don't know how the unbeliever can take their next breath after a loss, because they have no hope! But we do. So cry when it hurts, then remember that those precious babies are dancing on streets of gold right now, sitting on Jesus' lap, even! Listen to Countrygirl (she's a precious lady!), don't apologize for sharing. It touches so many when you do...
I'm praying that 2010 holds more restoration than you could imagine! :)

BetterIsONEday said...

oh Stephanie. It's okay to be sad. My hope is that you can minister to and encourage other women who have lost a baby. You are a wonderful mommy.

grace chute said...

Steph, I don't know what to say. I hate the pain the IF puts us through. I wish it were somthing that went away once we finally were able to bring home a baby, but it's not. Just know that I and so many others in this world are praying for you and your family.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Oh honey, I just read another post very similar. I'm so sorry.

Sending you love and prayers.
Sasha

Farmgirl Paints said...

Oh I'm so sorry. One of my best friends just had a miscarriage, and going through it with her really opened my eyes to how painful and difficult it really is.

Praying peace, comfort, restoration and healing over you.

Tess B. said...

I love you, Steph. You are the best mommy. -tess

Genny said...

So glad you left your link on my Mom-Monday post today so I could pop by and find your site. This post tugged at my heart; i'm so sorry for your loss.

That ring is gorgeous and meaningful. What a kind husband you have.

You seem to have a beautiful heart.

Hugs,
Genny