I am writing today with a broken heart.
I can't believe this is happening again.
For the last 9 1/2 weeks I have been keeping a secret.
It wasn't easy.
I was unbelievably sick all day, everyday.
But I was deliriously happy.
I was pregnant.
We were expecting a little brother or sister for our precious Isabella on Christmas day.
What a perfect gift, we thought.
We had a few scares, and a few trips to the emergency room, but our baby seemed to be a tough cookie. Each time we were able to see baby's sweet heartbeat, and we were SO thankful.
I have never been pregnant and not miscarried, but it seemed like this time would be an exception.
Yesterday I was rushed to the hospital with severe bleeding and intense labor pains.
I knew it was the end. But deep in my heart I still had hope.
After all, God can do anything. Maybe he would see fit to save our sweet tiny baby. Why would it be his will to take a fourth baby from us?
To hear the doctor say the words fetal demise was nearly unbearable.
I was taken into surgery at midnight.
I went in with a baby and came out all alone.
I feel so empty.
It's been my dream to have a big family, but it seems like God may have other plans.
It's nearly impossible for me to get pregnant, and each time I do, our babies don't survive.
I don't think I can do this again. The pain is too great.
I know my four babies are together in heaven, in the arms of Jesus.
I can't compete with that.
I will be taking a break from blogging for a while. I don't know how long, but I cannot keep up with it now. What would I write about? Nothing else seems to matter.
I need time to heal.
Please pray for us.