What's It All About?

I used to LOVE Christmas.

I loved the decorating, the baking, listening to Christmas music, the shopping, shopping, shopping, the parties, more baking, gift giving, etc.

But now it all feels like "busy work". Things to keep me occupied and overly busy so I am distracted from what's always on my mind.

The last few Christmases have been hard. Some heartbreaking memories kept me from feeling the giddiness I usually felt that time of year.

This year, I hate to say, I am dreading Christmas. Everything just feels so silly and petty, and I wish I could sleep through the whole thing.

This year is harder.

Our baby was due to be born on Christmas day. But my womb is empty and so are my arms.

Five months after we lost that baby, I became pregnant again. With twins. Though the pain of losing our baby was terrible, I was thankful that these babies were here - almost as though to comfort me. We may not hold our little one on Christmas, but we had a flicker of joy; the hope that soon two more babes would join our family.

Six weeks ago we lost those babies too.

Three years ago, after many difficult years of trying to conceive, we were expecting twins. We told our families on Christmas day, and on January 1st, I miscarried.

Three months later, I was pregnant with twins again. Though I miscarried one baby, by the grace of God, our sweet miracle Isabella Hope was born.

It seems like each year Christmas (and life) gets harder and more painful. Each year we mourn the loss of more babies we never had the chance to hold. Each year, and this year in particular, I struggle so hard to not fall apart. To pretend that Christmas is fun and wonderful. For the sake of our daughter, I try to let her experience of Christmas be one that is full of joy.

I try not to let by broken heart bleed for all to see.

Oh, but this year is hard.

Friends, I write this today, not to depress you or bring you down, but to show you that I know pain and suffering, and loss. But I have HOPE.

You see, Christmas is about a baby. Just not my baby.

This baby is the son of God, born to the virgin Mary.

He was fully God yet he came to this world a human - a baby.

This baby grew to be a man, and lived a perfect life as an example to us.

He did not have an easy life. He was a man of sorrows, therefore we can know that Jesus, the son of God himself, understands our pain.

He suffered and died on the cross to pay the penalty for our wrongdoings. He got what we deserved, and He paid willingly because He LOVES us.

He was dead and buried for 3 days before he came back to life to prove His victory over sin and death. And he ascended into heaven where He reigns eternally.

The sweet baby Jesus we sing about at Christmas was so much more than just a baby. He is Emmanuel, God with us. The King of kings and Lord of lords. He came to bring us peace.

And though you may feel like me right now - heartbroken and beaten down. There is a peace that passes all understanding, and it can only come from Him.

Luke 2:11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

Isaiah 9:6

⁶ For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,

and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Hugs and Kisses and Chocolate!

We have a nice big island in our kitchen.  When I bake, that is where I work.  Of course, Isabella likes to be with me all the time, so she is also my baking buddy. I love it. I stand on one side of the island, and she pulls up a chair and watches and "helps" on the other side. 

She knows I don't let her up on the counter when I'm cooking, but she's very very sneaky....

She will say "Mommy? I need a kiss." How can I say no to that? So she has to climb onto the counter to reach me well enough to give me a kiss. 

Then.... "Mommy? I need a hug." Again, I can't turn her down. So up she comes for a hug. Just as I tell her "ok, now sit back down in your chair" she says "Other side??" (she likes to give hugs on both sides. Once with her head to the right, and once on the left.) 

I am a sucker for those hugs and kisses. And she is very generous with them, especially when it gets her closer to my cookies! :)

But this is what happens when I'm baking up a storm and I turn around for a second to get cookies out of the oven.

 She wasted no time.

 She was a girl on a mission....  She saw chocolate!

 She was pretty proud of herself!

*I Need Your Help*

Ok, kids, I need your help.

Here's the story:

I was out shopping last week and something caught my eye

My first reaction was: wow, that's ugly.

Then I saw another one sitting in the wrong spot on the wrong shelf. Hmm, it actually has a nice vintage European look too it, I thought. Maybe it's not so ugly. I left it on the shelf and continued my shopping.

Now all i could think about was that awesome ugly soap dispenser, and I had to have it. So I bought it.

When my husband saw it he asked my why I would buy something like that. I told him my theory about how it has an old world European look and doesn't it look great in our kitchen? Um no. It's just ugly, he said.

So I ask you, is this awesome or ugly?

Be honest, I can take it!

*******

On another note, it's time for the Last Chance Before Christmas Sale!

Be sure to check out my etsy shops

Bella Regali

and

It's A 10

Everything is BUY 2 GET 1 FREE!!

Plus I am including a FREE fabulous gift in every order!

I know I'm running low on items, but there are new pieces, and with the new year will come a whole new stock of goodies. You can mix and match between shops if you like. I will refund to you the cost of the 3rd item as soon as your payment is received. It's your last chance to snatch up some last minute gifts/stocking stuffers! (or grab those pieces you've been eyeing for yourself!)

Happy shopping, and don't forget to vote on the awesome-ugly soap dispenser!

Let Her Eat Cake! (The Happiness of Turning 2: Part 2)

I didn't know what sort of cake to make for Isabella's 2nd birthday. She doesn't watch tv or movies, and she's not into any specific characters. But she does love candy.

 And flowers.

But mostly candy. :)

So I came up with a flower garden cake... with candy!

She was really excited for her cake!

 But it seemed like she had to wait forever for us to be ready to eat!

Finally, it was time!!

 Where to start?

 It was finger lickin' good!

And, apparently, table lickin' good!

Happy birthday, sweet girl! We love you so much!